Restitution...

So what I need to know is if I can charge Him for all the sex with other people that he's ruined for me???

I'm serious.

Do I get a gas card for all the mileage I spent going to see niggas I didn't really want to see cause I wished that they were him?

Or is there some sort of voucher I can fill out that will repay me for the time I spent trying to act like I was into it when someone else kissed the same spots he used to kiss?

For all the time I spent going through the motions hoping that they would somehow work again?

Is there a rain check for the nut I DID NOT BUST cause me and the new guy just couldn't get it right??

Not that there's anything wrong with the new guy. Hell, he ain't even that new, but still....

Can I get a waiver so that if I do so happen to try again with someone else, I can be excused from the memories of how it used to be between me and Him??

Please?

Or how about some sort of guarantee that the very next time, I won't jump up immediately afterwards to check my phone and see if the text message I received right around the time I was switching positions came from His phone?

How about that?

Cause I feel like I already have to suffer through the whole "teaching someone else how to please me the right way thing"

And I really don't have the patience for the whole "getting rid of my baggage and just learning to be alone" thing.

Honestly, all I want right now is the "Someone come blow my back out and make me forget thing" but I can't even fucking enjoy that when I get it.

I refuse to keep getting by with a vibrator and an old video. That shit just don't cut it no more.

I want - and DESERVE- the ability to enjoy someone else. To experiment with someone else and not feel embarrassed about it. To get all giddy and excited about someone else and not feel like I'm cheating.

Shit, can my vagina belong to me again?!?!?

Someone let me know if there is a stimulus refund bailout for this shit and if there is, who's governor I got petition to get it!

...deuces

Otherside of the Game...

I made it back!!!
Yay for the nigga who brought my plane ticket back...well yay for his life anyway. Cause I was seriously going to throw a fit and not give a damn about the consequences.

Home was of course fuckery as usual.
First and foremost, the dance recital was beautiful. My sister looked like a star! And she did the damn thang!!! I am soooo proud of her.
That wasn't the fuckery.
The fuckery started when I went to go and visit some of my old friends.

I have this Ex who isn't really an ex, in that we never actually, technically dated.
We just fucked alot for the past 9 years.
I'll tell you the story one day, just not today.
At any rate, he calls and texts me all the time and does his best to keept tabs on me, so when he found out I was coming home this past weekend, he called my phone, every hour, on the hour, PROMPTLY to find out if my plane had landed and where and exactly when I was going to be doing what I was doing and when I was gonna have time for him.

I didn't want to go anywhere Friday because that was my sisters actual recital and by the time we took her out for dinner and made it home, ALL of my household was asleep by 12am,
I knew that if I was going to kick it with him or at least see him, it had to be on Saturday, seeing as how I had a 6am flight on Sunday.
He calls and wakes me up, inquiring my plans for the day.
I didn't really have any, but my mother had loads for me. Being as how I haven't been home since december, it seems that she set up appearances for me like I was some sort of celebrity or something. Of course it's graduation season, so that means I went to like four barbeques, 3 celebrations and 2 general get togethers.
ExWhoIsn't throws a FIT!!
Something to the effect of, I came home to see family but he's my family too so I need to make some time for him.

Um, beating the brakes for 6 consecutive years (there were 3 unconsecutive years in the beginning) does NOT make you family. It makes you one hell of a jump.

However, I understand where he's coming from, so after my last barbeque I make my way over to the hood to see him.
Let me say right here, that I dont have a problem going in the hood. Pretty much everyone knows me and I get love where ever I go. I ain't stupid, but I ain't scared either.
My problem is that EWI has a temper problem and he fights wherever he goes, so any time I'm with him, I run the risk of beign known for associating wtih him and having his beefs put on me.

At any rate, I go see him and we're sitting on the car talking and everything is cool at first. He's giving me compliments and just generally being nice. We're talking about what's happened to who and when and he makes the first mistake of asking me for ass.

I know I just told you he's a jump and all that...BUT ... for the past two years, he's been telling me how he loves me and he wants to wife me. I don't believe him because why would you want to wife someone on the basis of a sexual relationship???
I mean the pum is good, but damn!
Knowing that I feel like this, he always puts up a big front like the next time I come home, we'll actually chill and go out on dates and things and he won't even think about having sex with me...until I actually come home and he just HAS to hit.

That doesn't make me upset cause it is what it is. It's been that way ever since I met him, so I dont really expect him to change.

His second mistake comes when he make a remark about going out with my niggas and he jumps stupid with me saying he "doesn't want to hear about me and no other dudes and shit. Leave that in DC"
*insert stupid face here*
I actually stop in the middle of a sentence because I had no clue what the fuck he was talking about. When I was talking about going out with my niggas, I was referring to my old high school friends, who all happen to be FEMALES.
Besides which Jealousy is a female trait and he LOOKS like a man to me.
The biggest problem I have with him being jealous is that he has a child....with a baby's mother....with whom he still sleeps. And with me coming home every six months, I KNOW that he ain't just making time with himself in my absence, so even if I WAS talking about another nigga, it irked me that he would get an attitude about that.

I try to make a joke about it and just keep the conversation moving. I tell him how I don't even talk to anyone in DC like that anyway (which is true because outside of the Left, my DC sex life is pretty bland) He looks at me and goes "Stop lying. I looked through your phone. I know who you be talking to."


Ex Cuse Me?

"Yea, the last time you were home. When you went to sleep, I looked through your phone and saw the pictures and stuff."

This is when I saw red.
I know I'm mistaken in this gross generalization I'm about to make, but I could have sworn that going through someone's phone is some female bullshit. Not something that a grown ass man would do. And even if he did go through my phone, which is seriously fucked considering that he's NOT MY MAN, who the fuck is he to be bringing shit up like he has a right?!?!?

I had to walk away at that point because I really wanted to slap the piss out of him.
I mean, is that what niggas is doing in the 09 now??
Going through phones and then getting in feelings like lil bitches??
Someone please let me know.

And you would think that it stopped there right?
Wrong.

As I'm walking away, he says that he wants to kick it with me later on that night before I leave. I remind him that I'm supposed to be kicking it with my friends who I haven't seen since LAST summer, but tell him I'll call him when I leave the club.
I leave him at 10:20
I dont get to my friends house until 11.
We go pregame and then go out to te clubs at like 11:30
At 11:35, my phone starts blowing up.
It's EWI.
I don't answer, but I text him and tell him that I just made it to the club, but I'm still going to call him when I leave.
What ensues is the biggest round of text fuckery that the world has ever known.

I proceed to get shitfaced because he did tell me to go out and have a good time (well that and the fact that the white boys kept buying us drinks) So when he calls me at 1 am to apologize and ask me to come over, I'm wayyy to drunk to be driving across Dayton. This results in him flipping AGAIN and just saying that he's done fucking with me.

At this point I was too drunk to care, but as I got on the plane that morning, I really sat back and wondered when the game had changed. I remember when I used to chase him around and damn near fight girls over him in highschool. I remember him standing me up for Homecoming and various other slights that he gave me. I'm not sure when things changed, but I don't know if I like it. I mean it's good to be wanted and all that, but he's starting to act a lil too much like a nagging ass nagger and now I don't know what to do about it.

The good news is: I didn't throw up on the plane!
The bad news: I am definitely gonna need a new liver soon....


...deuces

Tell Em How You Feel Thursdays: Live Edition!!

So I FINALLY got blogger to do some shit right. 

Point number...whatever the fuck I'm on: This video shit takes entirely WAYYYYY TOOOO LONG!!! 

I dont know how often Ima be doing this....

AND I might not leave it up that long cause I look funnier than I thought I did.

Anyhow....

....deuces

And If Everyone Jumped, I Probably Would Too...

So apparently, everyone is on this random kick so I decided I would hop on it too. You know just writing a whole lotta blurbs and shit. No stories, no suspenseful plot twists and turns or exciting conclusions and all that. Ain’t nothing wrong with it. I blame twitter. After getting used to updating the world on your innermost thoughts at 140 charcters a pop, full sentences do seem a bit unwieldy.

At any rate, I decided to do what everyone else did. At least until I can get back into this whole, posting thing again.
The way I look at it, it will be TEHYFT: Not on a Thursday and not so angry version.
See?
Works for everyone.

With that being said, I think twitter is probably one of the worst things to happen to life. Everyone in todays society has the attention span of a fucking fruit fly anyway, so giving people another way to speed it up, shorten it down and basically just get shit over with is not necessarily a good thing to me. I think people need to slow down. Not to mention the whole problem I have with the fact that it’s another way for people to use digital means to erase human interaction and communication. I feel that if you really and truly want to know what’s going on with me, don’t text me, don’t facebook me, nigga call me and ASK ME!!!! I mean, nothing can really replace face to face communication, but in the absence of that, I’d at least take a phone call. And this whole following thing??
Nah, not so much.
The girl is just not a follower. I don’t really like people following me either. I mean, if I were to jump off proverbial bridge, I wouldn’t wanna get to hell and be responsible for all those people. Shoot, I got more than enough to pay for on my own.

And of course, now that I’ve said all of that….twitter.com/PhlyyPhree…
I had to see what all the fuss was about. I’m not quite addicted yet, meaning that I don’t check it like I check my facebook (which is every five minutes) buuuuuuuuuuuuuut…I could see it getting there. This shit is funny! My fav of the morning : Kid Cudi – Drunk dialing is fun; I wish I had more famous people’s numbers.
Me too Scott, me too.

So is it bad that I got my laptop back and the first thing I did, ok the second thing I did was download stuff? And by stuff, you know I mean porn. And music. But mostly porn. The thing is, I’m kinda over it now. Like I od’ed on looking at naked people doing naked people things and now I don’t know if I’ll ever look at sex the same way again.

I saw a magazine today and the cover story was, and I quote “ How Souljaboy saved Hip hop”
*record scratch*
THEE FUCK???
*reads again*
*words don’t change*
Um, ok. See, I’ll go ahead and climb up a tree and say that Soulja boy is NOT the worst thing to happen to hip hop music these days (see: Gucci Mane, OJ da Juiceman….really?? Can these names get any fuckin dumber?! I digress) I’ll even go out on a limb here and say that I actually LIKE some of Soulja boy’s music. And by like I mean, I can actually listen to it more than once without feeling like my iq has decreased by 30. I will draw the fuckin line at saying that he saved Hip Hop.
REALLY?? THE WHOLE FUCKIN GENRE was saved by a 16 year old with a dance and a chain made out of rubberbands?!??
Fuck outta here.
Granted the chain is real now. (and I’m SO pissed about that. I’m 2? and I ain’t even got a chain like that. Hell, I barely got a chain!) but that doesn’t mean that he saved the rap game. Plenty rappers got chains and they didn’t put on a cape and save music.
I don’t think more people (read: The “others”) listen to rap music now because of Soulja boy. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure that listeners have decreased ever since Mr. Tellem and company infiltrated the market.
What I do think, is that Soulja Boy MIGHT have breathed some life into hip hop pockets (cause at this point, I mean if they haven’t had him featured on a song, who hasn’t made a fuckin dance song?!?!)
I mean, the young boy is a marketing genius!!!
Now a lyrical trendsetter?
Not so much…no not at all!

Are rappers these days having a competition to see who can come up with the stupider song and get people to like it???
I just left the music meeting, which is where our music director plays new music for us and gets our opinions on it and I have to tell you that my ears are BLEEDING!
RAW!
Like that was some of thee worst shit ever!! (With the exception of ‘A Night Off’ I will create my firstborn child if they play that late one rainy night in the mix)
Superman high?
Doh?
LEGGINGS AND FUCKING HEELS???
And of course my personal favorite “Assume the position”
*What?? Ya'll knew I was a freak BEFORE I told you that. LOL
The worst part is, out of all those songs I just named, somebody will have a fuckin Grammy for one of those this time next year.

I can see now that I’m getting a lil angry, so maybe I’ll just cut this short. I got some work to do anyways. Me and four of my colleagues from the radio station have finally formed our media group and we have our first client so I need to start working some magic before we lose our first client. I’m madddd excited though. I know that you’re not supposed to count your chickens before they hatch, but I’m excited cause this means a way outta of this crazy house. It also means that I’m one step closer to my dreams and who doesn’t wanna walk on clouds, feel me?

…deuces

Slowly, Surely....

First and foremost,
Thank you.
To everyone who still comes by to read...
to everyone who sent an email, a text, a facebook poke or even just a prayer my way...
I really and truly appreciate it all.

I never intended to be one of those people who just takes month long hiatuses (sp?), but it got to the point where I couldn't think of anything to write that didn't revolve around him....

...and even when I did decide to write about him, I couldn't find the words.

and whenever I tried to write about anything else, it just didn't feel like...me.

But point is, that was a month ago and clearly that's a long fuckin time.
Especially for me.

Plusssss.....

I GET MY MACBOOK BACK TODAY!!!!

No pictures
no music
no porn

But that's ok because most of the pictures were of me and him and a lot of the music was stuff he downloaded...well at least half of it.
So that's basically a fresh start all the way around.

I'm not 100 yet and who knows if I ever will be again...

but for once, almost does count...
so the next time I'm around these parts, it should be for real and it should be for good!


...deuces.

Tell Em How You Feel Thursday: Late Edition

Sooooo I'm trying to get back in the swing of things...
I mean, I miss posting on the regular... plus I'm starting to think most of ya'll don't love me anymore....

And I figure that the best way to get it on and poppin like hot grease, was to get back to the program. With that being said, even though its Friday (yes I do know my days of the week) it's time for everyone's fav,
Tell Em How You Feel Thursdays!!!!

...only this time it's the late edition, cause it's clearly friday afternoon.
Let's get this thang goin...

- How in the fuck you just gonna tell me to rob a bank? Like, I know you need your money Ms. Sallie Mae, and I swear before God, Baby Jesus and MLK, I am NOT trying to keep it from you. I just don't have it to give to you right now. I told your "enforcer" this and offered to send bank statements, increase my payments by $50 and all that and she tells me to "use my resources good and bad". I responded, "at this point, the only resource I have would be if I robbed a bank"
Her reply?
"We all have to do what we have to do"

BITCH PLEASE!!!
So when they lock me up and try to throw away the key, I can just go ahead and call on ya'll for the lawyers right?

- Besides which, don't think I don't know ya'll got some of that government bail out money. You don't need my little punk ass $50, when you got government cheese. Ask me how I know!

- It's warm. Not hot. Warm. Why in the flying ass blue monkey hell are you wearing a beater with NO BRA and some dukes and flip flops....AT WORK!!!!
We got A/C in this bitch, so don't act like it's warm in here. And again, even if we didn't, IT"S WARM, NOT HOT!!!!

- Kappa koolout tomorrow. Free food + free liqour + pretty ass Kappa bois = some shit I'm DEFINITELY going to have to post on monday.

-Have I ever mentioned how much I LOOOOOOOOOVVEEEE Kappas? Cause I'm soo bout to try and get me some pretty ass Krimson and Kreme baby daddy candidates this weekend.

- You feel that we always go places without you and therefore, we've "cliqued up" and excluded you? I'm sorry. Who in the fuck told you to live in South Bubblefuck and have to work the evening shift when everything goes on??
I didn't.
No one else in the "clique" did.
Guess that was all you.
Your bad.

- And for that matter, why in the hell would I invite you to go anywhere else with us when everytime you go, you don't like the music, you don't like the environement, you never have fun and generally just sit on the wall and watch our purses and coats????
I mean if that's your idea of a good time, then great.
That three dollars I save for coat check will come in handy when I'm tipping the bartender for my fifth shot!!

- If I tell you that the reason I stopped calling you is because you were always asking to fuck, then agree to come over and kick it with you on some JUST FRIENDS SHIT, why would you take that as your last opportunity to ask me for one more chance?!?
If I been telling you no for THREE YEARS... yea,I'm SO gonna change my mind today.*

*And I got a beach house next to Pac included with that crack you just sniffed if you believed me.

- The ONLY way you can get away with wearing shit like that is because you used to be famous. You cool and all, but I don't care WHAT everyone else tells you. WHen they say that shit's hot, they mean it's a HOT ASS MESS. Ain't no grown man supposed to be walking around looking like that.

- Don't be mad cause you cut your hair to look like mine and now you mad that it's so short. Fool, you lived with me for 2/3 of your life. Were you not paying attention all those times when I complained about it being too short for a ponytail???
Now your lil ass just gon have to wait for it to grow. Ha!

- I miss you. Really I do.

- I hate all this running shit, but my BUTT is looking SO RIGHT lately. I know that's probably not the best reason for me to continue this fitness thing, but fuck it, it's what I'm on. And when I finally have a waist again, I'ma be one of them stank bitches walking around half dressed, acting like my shit don't stank and trying to take your man and get him to spend his rent money on my hair and nails just cause I can. This is your only warning....

- And please believe, when I finish getting right, you will NOT be able to "put time in and make our relationship work like you want to". I don't care how many times you say "I Love you" and tell me how you want me to have your kids. THem shits are SO just words. Plus, I'm not a fucking VCR or a DVD player. You can't put me on hold while your run around and smut all these skeezers, skanks and skallywags and think I'm a take you back.

- And if you do, please let me know the name of your supplier. I'll be off papers soon and clearly I NEED THAT in my life.

- I know you think I'm playing, but I'm getting bout sick of the smart ass remarks all the fucking time. You really got like one more smart ass thing to say to me before I WALK my ass to Brooklyn and punch you in your fucking throat.

- It's warm all this weekend!!!!! And I get to see Kappas tomorrow!!!
YES!!!


Aight that's it for this one.
Wanted to end off on a positive note just cause I could and most of my posts have been of the bitter black woman variety lately...not that this is much different, but by now, you should know that it's better to get this off my chest before I end up going in on someone else's!! LOL.
I hope you all have a wonderful ass weekend, cause I for damn sure am!
Know I'm bout to engage in all sorts of fuckery in bout 3....2.....



....deuces

Dear Ms. BGiTC...

Dear Ms. Big Girl In The Club,

First and foremost, pleaseeeeeee understand that I'm telling you this because I love you.
I believe that no matter what size we are, we are all beautiful human beings and therefore are entitled to respect.
And because I'm not such a small girl myself, I feel like you'll heed to my words quicker than you would if they were coming from a skinny bitch.

But before we get started, I'd like to ask you to just hear me out and not get angry. I really don't want you trying to sit on me, and you'll get out of breath chasing me anyway.
I'm hefty, but I still got the moves and you don't want to test me.

Now, with that out of the way...

Dear Ms. Big Girl In The Club,

Why Oh WHYYYYYYYY do you beauguard thee hell out the bar, especially during open bar which is only 9 - 9:15???
I understand that for whatever various reasons, you might not yet feel like venturing onto the dance floor, but I have! and I'm parched!! Doing the stanky legg not only works up a sweat, but that sweat in turn makes you thirsty.
Can a bitch get through to get a drink? Please?

And again, this is not to say that you can't get your sip on too, cause I believe that free intoxication is a right that should be guaranteed to all...but it should be guaranteed to all, not just those who can effectively use one half of their body to block everyone else from getting their sip on.
I'm just saying...

Also, Ms. BGITC,
I have a question for you.
Why do you never have on shoes whenever I see you on the dance floor?
I know you had to wear some to the club, because while most of these places will let you in wearing dental floss and a smile, they all pretty much require SOMEthing on your feet. Why am I looking at your $15 lee chin man pedicure which got smudged becaue you wanted to put your shoes on too early?
Not saying that club dance floors are the dirtiest places in the world...but they pretty much are.
I know that your feet probably hurt in those two inch kitten heels and I feel for you.
Really I do.

But if you need a break, then you need to find a wall to post up on and do it one foot at a time, like the rest of us. Your shoes go on your feet, not on/in your hands.

And furthermore BGITC,
why do you feel the need to dance up against your friends? Not to be mean or anything, but doesn't that create a lot of big girl friction and just in general make things unbearably hot for you?
Honestly, I can't even say that this is STRICTLY an issue that I have with you, cause I've seen a lot of skinny hoes do it to and it disgusts me just as much, if not more when they do it. If I wanted to watch softcore lesbian porn, I'd stay up late on Fridays and watch Skinemax...or at least I'd go download it for my own peace and quiet. I do not like my sexual voyeurism to come with a thumping bass line and DJ Khaled screaming over the beat....

Point is, if you can't find a male to dance with, then dance by yourselves.

Last but not least Ms. BGITC,
I know I kind of touched on the subject earlier, but not really, so here is my in depth analysis right now: Everything can't be worn by everybody.
Matter of fact, that's not even club logic right there, that's real life shit.
Belts are supposed to hold your pants up, not hold your stomach in. (Ain't no belt that wide any damn way)
Fishnets are NOT supposed to leave lasting imprints in your skin.
If you have to keep pulling it down, to keep it in place, you probably shouldn't have worn it!
I understand you have confidence and you love yourself, but come on ladies.
You just gonna rock that backless dress, with a bra that needs three hooks, a stretched out thong and jellies that lace up your ankles?
Really?
WORD???

Ms. Big Girl,
please don't take this as an indictment on you in any way, shape or form. I love all of you, I really do. As a former/still kinda big girl, I think we definitely need to stick together.
The fact of the matter however, is that because I used to be/still am a big girl, I'm allowed to talk shit and tell you what you need to fix. If you don't want to go to the gym or put that Chipotle burrito down, then the least you could do is keep your appearance up.
ESPECIALLY in the clubs!!
I hope I didn't hurt your feelings...
(I REALLY don't want you to sit on me. )
and if I did, I did it out of love

I hope that we can get past this and I hope that the next time I see you in the club, I won't have to outrun you to the bar again.

With all the love in the world,
Phree!





So if you didn't know, I guess I should go ahead and say that this wasn't serious well it was kindabut just something that's been on my mind.
I mean, part of my job involves me going out to the club like three to four nights out of the week and honestly, I just get tired of my bigger sistren just being all out there - LITERALLY!!!
I'm a big girl(sorta...shout outs to the 2 miles I been running every day for the last month!!), so I know some of the issues that come with dressing us.
All I'm saying is, you had to have walked by a mirror on your way out the door and if you didn't, then your friends, are NOT really your friends.
That is all.


...deuces

True Colors...

So I got this from Jade...who got it from Lena and Vix-On...who got it from someone else....

Name: Phlyy
Date: 4/18/2009
Colorgenics Number: 53702416

You want to be regarded as an exiting and interesting personality able to persuade others to comply with your beliefs and ideas. You are charming and able to influence other people who come into your sphere of influence. You like mental stimulation and you are the sort of person who is prepared to 'try anything once'. Your confidence is so much so that others are often swept away by your enthusiasm.

You are totally dissatisfied with your present situation. Matters are not going right for you and you are seeking a means of escape. Your mental state of mind necessitates that you need to change your thinking patterns. Remember, if one particular modus operandi doesn't seem to work, then try something different.

Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!

You feel that you must have co-operation from those close to you before the existing stressful situation can be improved. You feel that no-one understands you and this lack of understanding and appreciation makes you feel completely isolated. You need that feeling of security and would like to get away from what you now consider depressing shackles. You have that need to re-establish your own individuality but your sensual self-restraint makes it difficult for you to let go - to open up, but the way that you are feeling at this time makes you feel that 'Enough is enough' and you are prepared to give in. This disturbs you as you feel that this attitude is an obvious sign of weakness - an attitude to be overcome and so in spite of this situation you feel that in order to assert your own individuality you need to continue to practice self-restraint.

You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality.

I'll be damned.....
And I kinda thought I was clicking in random after the first three anyway....
You can get it here...
Might change your thinking for the day too.

Real post soon...
...deuces

Little Things...

Just so you know I'm still alive...
trying to form some coherent sentences that may or may not revolve around humans with penises(peni? Penis's??)

In the meantime, it's the little things that keep me trying to smile, even though I pretty much always want to cry...

div>
PAC MAN (REMI GAILLARD)
Uploaded by nqtv


I'll be back eventually. Promise
...deuces